About transactional analysis and what it can teach you as a leader

“We are all born princes and the civilizing process makes us frogs.”
– Eric Berne, founder of transactional analysis

In a conversation with an executive client recently, she said after a reflection:
"I notice that sometimes I respond like an irritated teenager – even though I am 47 and a CEO. It's as if something just takes over."
We both laughed. Not at her – but at the recognition. Because we have all been there.

I remember once during my time as a manager when I became defensive in response to a challenge from my boss. Not because it was necessary – but because it stirred something old within me. It was not my adult self that responded, but my 'inner child'.

Somewhere along the way, I became curious about transactional analysis (TA) – a model that has changed the way I both lead and coach.

What is transactional analysis?

Transactional analysis was developed by Eric Berne, a Canadian psychiatrist working in the USA. In the 1950s, he began mapping our communication patterns and how we 'play roles' in relation to others. The foundation is based on three ego states:

👨‍👩‍👧 Parent – evaluative, guiding, moral, or critical
🧍‍♂️ Adult – logical, reflective, factual
👶 Child – spontaneous, emotion-driven, creative, or defiant

We switch between these states all the time – sometimes unconsciously, sometimes because we are stuck in old patterns.

Why is this relevant for you as a leader?

You don't just communicate as a leader – you influence how others feel in relation to you. When you communicate from your 'Parent ego' ('You should have done it this way!'), you often trigger a child response in the other person. On the other hand, when you are in your adult state ('What do you think we can do differently?'), the door to responsibility and collaboration opens.

Leadership is not just about what you say – but who within you is saying it.

🔄 Common leadership challenges where TA provides new perspectives:

🎯 Feedback conversations
→ Does it come from a judgmental parent perspective or an adult developmental perspective?

🛑 Conflict management
→ Do you get stuck in a child-child dialogue (silence, defiance, emotional intensity) or can you return to an adult-adult dialogue?

📣 Meetings
→ Do you notice which roles are activated? Does someone take over as the all-knowing parent, or does the discussion become too childish?

Research and further reading

Transactional analysis is used today in leadership training, therapy, and coaching around the world. According to European Association for Transactional Analysis research shows that TA helps to increase self-awareness, improve communication, and develop emotional intelligence – three cornerstones of modern leadership.

Books that are recommended:

• ”Games People Play” by Eric Berne – a classic about the psychological games we play
• ”I’m OK – You’re OK” by Thomas A. Harris – about how our self-esteem is shaped in relationships
• ”TA Today” by Ian Stewart & Vann Joines – a modern introduction to transactional analysis

How can coaching help?

Professional coaching creates a safe space where you as a leader can:

🧭 Explore which ego state you act from
🪞 Identify triggering situations
🧘‍♂️ Practice staying in your adult state even under pressure
🎯 Learn address others' ego states to create constructive dialogue

Concluding reflection

Transactional analysis is not about 'fixing' you – but about understanding yourself and others better. When you become aware of which ego state is acting in different situations, you can also choose who you want to be. That is when leadership starts to become really interesting.

👉 Do you want to explore which ego state leads your team?
Book an introductory session at no extra cost, and we will find out together. Because it is not always you as the manager who speaks – sometimes it is your inner child. Or your inner critical parent. But you can choose to speak as the adult leader you actually are.